(FYI this blog is also a source of assignments for Ms. B's creative Writing class.)
"I never knew going to the Archer School for Girls would reveal so many paradoxes in my life. The desire to conform and fit in versus staying faithful to who I really was inside was a constant problem I had to deal with."
This is possibly the dullest introduction I have ever written. Although getting up at 5AM to write this rough draft may have had something to do with its quailty, I admit I could have done better. By analyzing the quoted introduction based on word choice, voice, and idea development, I especially need improvement on word choice. Dull words such as "problem" could be edited to something like "hurdle" or at least "challenge."
As a reader, do you think this is an acceptable beginning to introduce my personal narrative? What should I include more details on?
~H
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3 comments:
Sounds pretty good to me, theres no reason to be disappointed with that intro. Atleast to my standards.
It's not that bad! Maybe just jazz it up a bit..whip out the thesaurus:) maybe you could use the word issue, rough patch, strange and unfamiliar? unique?
instead of starting out with the "revealing paradoxes" part. you could start with the challenges you faced and then sum the intro by saying that you wouldnt expect that many problems to arise. I don't know, I tried.
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